Welcome to Our Office

Ahh hemm. I can't believe I'm finally starting this. How fun.

I am going to write about the craziest office in the world. I was destined to work there - one of my favorite movies is the Producers. I will refer to my company as "The Producers" for the sake on annonymity.

Meet Charlie, our boss.

Or is he part duck? Waddle, waddle, waddle he goes around the office. He is the CEO of our internet company, and he is computer illiterate. Irony enough to begin with.

He doesn't actually talk to his staff, but prefers to sneak around the office, tiptoeing, and staring at us between the cracks in the book cases. Hilarious...(but then, why would he ever fire me? I'm a workaholic obsessed with my own productivity.)

He recently had a "groin" injury (eeew, yuk, 60 year old man's groin is NOT something I want to think about.) He can no longer open doors, "wouldn't want to reinjure that groin!" and he wears his shirt hanging out of his pants, and hobbles around muching on Puffins from the box. (His attempt at health food?)

Our company has been going under for over 6 years. Thanks to Charlie's ingenuity and ability to con old friends out of capital, he keeps banking the staff paychecks.

Getting into our building - it's an exercise that involves a long hall way, exiting the building, and two unmarked doors. Wouldn't want anyone dropping in!

And who might drop in? There is an entire section of our office devoted to "damage control" (calming furious investors threatening to bomb us.) To think! These people actually WANT thier money after waiting how many years for it. Occationally we lock the doors and pretend Charlie is out of the country...especially when our friends the IRS drop by.

The other day an investor found me in the parking log (eeeek!) She was a scarry woman in a BMW. She followed me in her car, reminded me of Cruela Devoille.

"Where is Charlie?! Which door does he come out of? Do you know he owes me money? I'll find him! I swear it!"

Ahh, I am soooo tempted to tell her that Charlie parks his car across the street at the Stop and Shop. So tempted...but what would be the point. It will take more than one mad little-old-lady, it will take a class action suit to bring him down...so I go off to get my take-out Chinese for lunch.

Some people have quite working for The Producers for moral reasons. Hmmm. Am I not moral? Aren't all companies corrupt? I don't work with the investors directly. I'm in the "creative marketing" division.

That's me, "creative marketing," i.e. selling crap, with inventive words. Marketing just comes so naturally to me, it's ridiculously easy for me. The words just flow out of my mouth.

I love to write, and I am grateful for a job that lets me write.

I write. I invent. I get to think. It's great and nurtures my creativity, so I'm happy.