The Grape

We hired an HR manager. Joy of joys. Finally we'll be getting some quality
staff! Think again. Her real purpose is to police existing employees and enforce pointless rules we've thus far managed to avoid.

She promply brought it to my attention that I daily clock in 20 minute late, never inital the "sign out" sheet for lunch, and (the worst) I NEVER type up my time-off requests. (The nerve of me!)

Not fiting our office stereotye for females (110 pound 25-years-olds), our CEO Charlie is already itching to ditch her, naturally. Despite being the ideal employee, we know looks matter around here. I hate so say it, but if she wants to keep her job, she needs to seriously think about getting her hair colored.

She favors purple flowy clothing, and as she speaks I usally envision a grape or plumb sitting in her chair. Something in the James and the Giant Peach family. She works an extra hour every day. Doesn't she have a LIFE to live?

Once my clock was an hour off (daylight savings mishap) and I showed up an hour early, at the ungodly early hour of 7:30.

The grape was actually sitting in her car, waiting for the doors to unlock. I was baffled! Has work become an obsessive disorder for her? Is she perhaps homeless, wearing purple all the time to coordinate her outfits for lack of a closet? What else could explain showing up at work at 7:30 for no reason?

My investigation continues...