We apologize for the delay . . .

I'm so sorry I wasn't able to get back to you all in a timely manner. I've received all of your messages, but I was out of town on business in Somalia and caught a nasty case of crabs. I've been working part time since and I can only apply rid-ex so many times per day, and was even over-applying and now am recovering from the sucking chest wound it caused. Did I mention my entire extended family died horribly and have had funerals? I am very sad. However, you are all at the top of my priority list and I will try my best to get back to you by August 16th, 2184 at the absolute latest.

Your check was mailed out decades ago, but I've only just learned that it got caught in a timewarp and was intercepted by the Mongrol hordes invading eastern europe centuries ago.

BUT GOOD NEWS!!

A recent archeological dig has uncovered your late checks along with the meaning of life, and I'm sure you'll receive everything as soon as the carbon dating is finished, so long as quantum fluctuations and instabilities in the space-time continuum get ironed out.

Unless there are gnomes.

Damn the gnomes.

Regards,

-MHGT