Mr. Masala Paneer

Time for you all to meet Mr. Masala Paneer Asholta.

He is the 24-year-old Indian midget in charge of our finance
department. Our immense finance department consisting of him and his
sidekick Macky (who is white as a sheet, twice his height and weight.)

Mr. Masala Paneer Asholta, born and raised in Bombay, came to the US to
study accounting. In Bombay he was a midget street-fighter, (or so he
claims.) I'll tell you this much, I'd sure avoid him if I saw him in a
dark alley. About a year ago he heard me talking at lunch about an
annoying person who had been following me around and offered to give me
"a number" to have that taken care of. Things like that make me wonder.

He rolls in to work around 9:20 everyday and appears to live on Pepsi
and pop-tarts. He's been staring at Excel spreadsheets for years, which
is probably why his eyes never look at you directly. I don't want to be
rude, but I'm never sure which one to focus on when talking to him.
Working here, it's no surprise he's addicted to gambling on falling
stock options. One day he explained to me how to bet on how badly a
stock will fall within a specific time. When he has a good hunch, he
takes out a cash advance on his Visa card and goes for it. Sometimes he
rides high, sometimes not so high. But beware of the quiet midget in
the back of the building.

On the subject of girls, he explained that his parents are
biting-at-the-bit to have him come home for a "party" (another term for
meet the local single chicks and pick one.) Modern day arranged
marriage in India is a two week session of "parties" where you hang out
with everyone and end up proposing to your favorite. So Mr. Masala
explains. Not that different from how many people end up together in
the states, honestly.

Once I asked what he spends money on, (besides gambling.) He said
basically Indian food, DVD's and dry cleaning. He always dresses nice.
Like a rich Indian. Generally an easygoing guy, don't go against him at
fooseball. He always triumphs. It's like his outlet. Perhaps now that
he's given up midget street-fighting?